The heart of kings is unsearchable (Prov 25:3). Usually, the emphasis is on the impossible. This noun is used of the “heart-searching” of the tribe of Reuben, which failed to aid Deborah and Barak against the Canaanites (Jud 5:16). “It can refer to initial phases of a search or the end result, but always connotes a diligent, difficult probing.” One of its derivatives adds more to our understanding: We can start by examining the meaning of the verb ḥāqar (to search, investigate, examine). He employs Hebrew vocabulary that pushes us into the depths. The psalmist searches for himself through lyrics and music. Like a great number of biblical characters, we discover, “For what I am doing, I do not understand for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.” Personality is very complicated. The “fearless moral inventory” process most likely demonstrates just how complex and multi-layered we really are. We often discover in the depths of personality something we would rather not admit, even to ourselves. Second, of course, is the fact that we rarely view ourselves objectively. If we are going to open ourselves to the possibility of wounds, we prefer a safe place to do so. That’s why Twelve Step groups and therapists stay in business. Quite a few people in our lives really aren’t safe. Without actually intending to build a protective wall, we almost automatically retreat from situations where our fragile egos could be damaged. And, by the way, this is not wrong. Since revealing who we think we really are requires the willingness to be wounded, we hold back. We all have plenty of experience of revealing our deepest secrets only to be rejected or criticized. First, really being known by someone else is a terribly risky business. Searched– Does anyone really know you? Do you really know yourself? If the research into personality and identity formation is correct, we would be inclined to answer both of these questions with, “No.” There are some really good reasons why this is the case.
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
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